Really great essay. I think where this dynamic really comes into play (at least in my case) is in the professional world. I have always been in awe of those people who always knew what they wanted to do and pursued it. A “calling.” Less about success in that chosen field, they always seem especially content because they are doing what they truly love. What if one doesn’t really know what one wants? It’s entirely possible to be productive, work hard, be professionally successful, be great at one’s job, and still never feel fulfilled. I think this is slightly different than the classic “paradox of choice”; it’s not about not being able to choose among all the options, but really about having no idea what you want to do.
Making a choice is a decision. Decision-making is a complex process which involves a very primitive almost reflexic process of comparison. We all do it all the time. "Is that guy taller than I am?" Or if you are the girl, "Is he economically successful enough for me?" If not, as the comedian Bill Maher suggests, "Swipe Right". This process of comparison is waaaay older and more primitive than dating apps. Frans de Waal's TED Talk demonstrates this nicely . Capuchin monkeys can detect unfairness with a glance. Watch it here
But the basis for the detection of unfairness is comparison. What he got versus what I got. Back to the dating app illustration. In this "Swipe Right" universe, I am comparing my internalized, imprinted ideal to what I purportedly am seeing on the app. Does she fit my template of the ideal? The next question is "Is she out of my league?" At a very early age we imprint ideals regarding goals, partners, philosophies. And by a certain age, those imprints are set. At least for most of us. Then there is the societal question of whether those imprinted goals can be met. Romantic partners, careers, economic success, they are all part of the imprinting process. However, modern society with its technologies, social media and yes, dating apps, has shaken our own personal snow globe so severely that not only is the snow swirling violently inside the globe but so are all the fixed figures; the people, the sleigh and the reindeer which formerly were securely fixed to the base of the globe. We are all unmoored from our foundations. Back when I was dating, a man could walk into a room, apprise the situation, determine which ladies were appealing and if one, by chance, which was rarely the case, should smile? Well, then you could approach her and perhaps speak to her. Perhaps. Pretty quickly you found out a lot of things about this person. On dating apps, all the potential partners are smiling at you. How do you make a choice? This is just crazy. And overwhelming with choices. Most all of which will be wrong. Do young people today face a massive form of Anomie?
Two random pop culture examples immediatly come to mind. In a bit I can't find right now Louis CK mocks himself for needing to find the BEST Amazon reviewed piece of junk to buy (familiar).
Ryan Adams' song GImme Something Good is about someone struggling to want; I particularly like the line "Holding everything I have like it was broken" (also familiar).
I'm a big David Deutsch stan and I increasingly wonder if a goal-driven, rather than a problem-driven life is often a mistake. Having rather than doing.
Your essay reminded me of a humorous definition of the game of golf: "trying to hit a small ball into a hole with implements ill-suited for the task."
Particularly in the West, we assume that all decision-making happens logically in our brain. What if our "decisions" were really more wholistic and not as "logical" as we would like to believe? What if "knowing what you want" is grander than your conscious abilities? What if our conscious mind is "an implement ill-suited to the task" of knowing what we "want?"
Philip Shepherd wrote an interesting book Radical Wholeness where he describes how we have two "brains" - our logical head-brain and our sensual, intuitive gut-brain. The two mind centers are linked by the vagus nerve and optimally the two achieve some sort of balance and harmony. Unfortunately, we know this is not the way of modern life resulting in what he calls "tyranny of the head."
Wisdom of the ages has always been: "follow your guts." But, today we are disconnected from our bodily sensations and distrustful of our messy, non-rational feelings. Our sense of what we "need" is often irrational and, like love, follows the "call" of something unable to be logically understood but a "felt sense" of urgency and appropriateness. Trusting and reconnecting with our intuitive mind opens up all sorts of possibilities and loosens the grip of "analysis paralysis." Fulfillment is a "sense" not a logical "choice."
I think this is a wonderful easy flowing write. I find myself looking at everything from your point of view and see why you explain examples. The menu, maximising and later the pressure very clearly explains your point of view in an objective way about what we’re taught or learn is subjective. Matter of fact even, but altogether encompasses how we are/feel and give meaning to. I like your expression using the cello. Strangely enough I’ve been thinking about how I’d like to lose myself in it and see what happens. Let the chips fall where they may so to speak.
Thanks for this interesting essay on a difficult thought process made to seem not difficult at all
Really great essay. I think where this dynamic really comes into play (at least in my case) is in the professional world. I have always been in awe of those people who always knew what they wanted to do and pursued it. A “calling.” Less about success in that chosen field, they always seem especially content because they are doing what they truly love. What if one doesn’t really know what one wants? It’s entirely possible to be productive, work hard, be professionally successful, be great at one’s job, and still never feel fulfilled. I think this is slightly different than the classic “paradox of choice”; it’s not about not being able to choose among all the options, but really about having no idea what you want to do.
Making a choice is a decision. Decision-making is a complex process which involves a very primitive almost reflexic process of comparison. We all do it all the time. "Is that guy taller than I am?" Or if you are the girl, "Is he economically successful enough for me?" If not, as the comedian Bill Maher suggests, "Swipe Right". This process of comparison is waaaay older and more primitive than dating apps. Frans de Waal's TED Talk demonstrates this nicely . Capuchin monkeys can detect unfairness with a glance. Watch it here
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=meiU6TxysCg
But the basis for the detection of unfairness is comparison. What he got versus what I got. Back to the dating app illustration. In this "Swipe Right" universe, I am comparing my internalized, imprinted ideal to what I purportedly am seeing on the app. Does she fit my template of the ideal? The next question is "Is she out of my league?" At a very early age we imprint ideals regarding goals, partners, philosophies. And by a certain age, those imprints are set. At least for most of us. Then there is the societal question of whether those imprinted goals can be met. Romantic partners, careers, economic success, they are all part of the imprinting process. However, modern society with its technologies, social media and yes, dating apps, has shaken our own personal snow globe so severely that not only is the snow swirling violently inside the globe but so are all the fixed figures; the people, the sleigh and the reindeer which formerly were securely fixed to the base of the globe. We are all unmoored from our foundations. Back when I was dating, a man could walk into a room, apprise the situation, determine which ladies were appealing and if one, by chance, which was rarely the case, should smile? Well, then you could approach her and perhaps speak to her. Perhaps. Pretty quickly you found out a lot of things about this person. On dating apps, all the potential partners are smiling at you. How do you make a choice? This is just crazy. And overwhelming with choices. Most all of which will be wrong. Do young people today face a massive form of Anomie?
*Hedonist nods approvingly*
Two random pop culture examples immediatly come to mind. In a bit I can't find right now Louis CK mocks himself for needing to find the BEST Amazon reviewed piece of junk to buy (familiar).
Ryan Adams' song GImme Something Good is about someone struggling to want; I particularly like the line "Holding everything I have like it was broken" (also familiar).
I'm a big David Deutsch stan and I increasingly wonder if a goal-driven, rather than a problem-driven life is often a mistake. Having rather than doing.
Your essay reminded me of a humorous definition of the game of golf: "trying to hit a small ball into a hole with implements ill-suited for the task."
Particularly in the West, we assume that all decision-making happens logically in our brain. What if our "decisions" were really more wholistic and not as "logical" as we would like to believe? What if "knowing what you want" is grander than your conscious abilities? What if our conscious mind is "an implement ill-suited to the task" of knowing what we "want?"
Philip Shepherd wrote an interesting book Radical Wholeness where he describes how we have two "brains" - our logical head-brain and our sensual, intuitive gut-brain. The two mind centers are linked by the vagus nerve and optimally the two achieve some sort of balance and harmony. Unfortunately, we know this is not the way of modern life resulting in what he calls "tyranny of the head."
Wisdom of the ages has always been: "follow your guts." But, today we are disconnected from our bodily sensations and distrustful of our messy, non-rational feelings. Our sense of what we "need" is often irrational and, like love, follows the "call" of something unable to be logically understood but a "felt sense" of urgency and appropriateness. Trusting and reconnecting with our intuitive mind opens up all sorts of possibilities and loosens the grip of "analysis paralysis." Fulfillment is a "sense" not a logical "choice."
I think much of this is really a need for inspiration.
I think this is a wonderful easy flowing write. I find myself looking at everything from your point of view and see why you explain examples. The menu, maximising and later the pressure very clearly explains your point of view in an objective way about what we’re taught or learn is subjective. Matter of fact even, but altogether encompasses how we are/feel and give meaning to. I like your expression using the cello. Strangely enough I’ve been thinking about how I’d like to lose myself in it and see what happens. Let the chips fall where they may so to speak.
Thanks for this interesting essay on a difficult thought process made to seem not difficult at all
What about maximicing: scanning the whole menu and choosing everything right away?