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Samuel Kimbriel's avatar

gemma, this is such a lovely response, and very much in the spirit of the argument. I suppose the question is where do we find this in a secular frame? Is there some intrinsic reason that secular society is having a difficult time creating this kind of vulnerability ?(Maybe AA is an exception—though there is a kind of spiritualism even there?)

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David DeSteno's avatar

I think this is an excellent analysis. Optimization and toxic positivity guide many programs on socialization. Don’t get me wrong, kindness and joy are essential parts of life. But so too, as Kimbriel notes, are the painful affects of life. True connection bonds and supports through both. This piece notes the importance that rituals of grief, etc can play here. And I think we forsake those elements of spiritual traditions to our detriment. Epistemological research shows that all social connection is good, but connection derived through religious affiliations offers an added benefit (ie greater effect size than just club memberships). I don’t think this has anything to do with theological beliefs, but rather as a marker that these social connections also take place in the context of rituals that have connected people through millennia as they faced life’s challenges.

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